your melody sounds as sweet as the first time it was sung

As long as I have been here, one would assume that I'd understand these sorts of customs by now. But in a way, it's all quite a mystery to me. The flowers and chocolates. But then, there's something of a more... adult side to things as well. For adults anyway. Hmm. I wonder.

Perhaps, considering that it is not something that I will be able to pull off for much longer... mm. Perhaps I'll try it then. It is a bit... well, there's no sense in being shy. None at all.

Decisions decisions.

Janus?

Almost the witching hour, so to speak. I had planned on sleeping early this evening... but that did not seem to materialize. Perhaps if I read for a while that will help ease my mind. Then again, some of the books currently scattered around my room are not exactly the most... suitable for relaxing.

I'll make a cup of tea then. If it weren't quite so chilly, I'd walk to my office and at least put this time to good use grading papers.

I can't quite seem to shake off the chill tonight. Strange. Though it is cold outside, it is warm enough in the quad. Perhaps something warm to drink. Tea maybe? Mm. I think that sounds good.

There are lessons I need to prepare for. I believe my students are ready to start putting their magical theory into practice. It's about time. Of course, the trick always is, locating one's individual source of magic. That may take a few lessons for some. I suppose we'll see.

I started looking for dresses... it seems as though it will be something of a process.

In all the... unexpected excitement going on lately, I must remember not to neglect my duties in the formation of the druid council back home. I've caught up in communications for now though, so perhaps I can set my mind at ease about that. Of course, that does not mean I lack other things with which to concern myself. On the contrary, I have classwork to grade as well. So much to do. And then on top of it all the stack of books I've found relating to pregnancy. I should be glad that it is the weekend. And yet, I'll admit I'm mostly tired.

Dear Bek

No...

Dear Brother,

No, not that either.

Brother,

I write to you with surprising news. I am having...

No. That won't do.

Brother,

You're to be an uncle.

...why is this so difficult? It's just a letter. Having the baby may turn out to be easier than sharing the news has been thus far.

Oh.. Dr. McCoy. I meant to address this some time ago, but thank you, for your help this past week.

This is... I...

No, certainly I'm getting ahead of myself. After all, there's no way I...

I'm a druid. But the magic... I've never used the magic...

I need to... think. Rationally. About this. To calm down.

A bath. Yes, a bath. That will do for now.

I suppose, in the end, it truly doesn't matter all that much.

I need to write a letter to Bek again. It's been a while since I have heard from him. I don't want to lose contact with him, not after only finding him so recently. And there are other missives that I should also attend to, to send the the elves as well as the leaders of the southland. After all, I am not accorded the luxury of being able to be lax in my duties. Time is essential.

I feel as though I have made strides in the right direction this time. The races are slow to come about to the idea of a reborn druid council, but at the same time, they are less cold to the idea than they were previously. I wish I could say this was somehow due to my diplomatic graces, but I believe it's more the realizaiton that for things to progress this is the wisest way. And no one wants ot be left out should the other races agree to cooperate.

I'm exhausted. Still, it was also good to see Bek. I am glad i made that stop as well.

it's even better to be back home, however.

Janus, have you missed me?

I feel as though I am still putting my life back together, from more than a week ago... two weeks? Has it really been..? So much to think about.

That person... how horrible that I recognize her. Could I really have been trapped as that person? Perhaps it is not so hard to imagine. If Bek hadn't...

Hmm. What if's are nonsense games. There is no sense in torturing myself with them, is there?

I... what have I? These things... these words are not mine... Not any more. I am not that person anymore.

I...

Janus! What have I done?

It doesn't make sense. None of it. These pieces of... another self who is also me.

Magus, please... I don't know what's going on here. Please, I need... I need you.

Unacceptable. This place...

Completely unacceptable.

Whose doing is this?

Janus, the other day was lovely. Thank you. I needed the distraction very much. The beach was lovely. And thank you as well for your help choosing a swimsuit. We will have to go swimming again so that it gets more use than just the once.

I haven't meant to be so... strange lately. I've had a lot on my mind. Can you forgive me?

I don't believe I feel much like going out today. Perhaps I'll stay in. This can't be home sickness. I have no home, after all. Perhaps something different then. I wonder if I should go to visit Bek. I wonder if he would be happy to see me, or simply nervous. Hmm. It is something to consider.

For now, a quiet night. There's nothing wrong with that, after all. Is there?

Janus? I'm feeling like wandering a bit, into the woods. Come with me?

Bad dreams and bad feelings. I am sure it is nothing more than misgivings. What else would it be? Nothing at all.

Janus, thank you for the very nice Valentine's day. I will admit being unused to the tradition, but I enjoyed it, very much.

Hmm. I suppose I am glad that the weekend has arrived. Perhaps an early night tonight... there is far too much on my mind.

More letters. I feel as though letters are the only thing I do these days. Still, perhaps it is progress. I should not be so cynical in that aspect.

On the subject of letters, I should write one that is not business. Bek wrote... and it has been too long since I responded. Perhaps that will be my project for this evening.

It could have gone better, I suppose. But it certainly could have been much worse.

Janus, I'm sure I've said it multiple times, but let me say again how grateful I am for your company on my trip. I could not have done it without you.


( Private; hackable )

A letter then. To the elven king, and another to the leaders of the main human settlements. Communications to the gnomes will be more difficult. I wonder... perhaps a trip will be in order for that. But the druid council should represent all races. I am somewhat skeptical of the elf king's response, considering Ahren's experience with... well, with me. Still, I will try. I will not be a failure for this trust bestowed upon me.

After the winter solstice, perhaps after the coming of the new year, I will make a journey back. It will not take all that long. I am certain. And I will be successful. I can be quite persuasive. ...though the biggest obstacle will be my old reputation. Hmm.