your melody sounds as sweet as the first time it was sung

I suppose, in the end, it truly doesn't matter all that much.

I need to write a letter to Bek again. It's been a while since I have heard from him. I don't want to lose contact with him, not after only finding him so recently. And there are other missives that I should also attend to, to send the the elves as well as the leaders of the southland. After all, I am not accorded the luxury of being able to be lax in my duties. Time is essential.

I feel as though I have made strides in the right direction this time. The races are slow to come about to the idea of a reborn druid council, but at the same time, they are less cold to the idea than they were previously. I wish I could say this was somehow due to my diplomatic graces, but I believe it's more the realizaiton that for things to progress this is the wisest way. And no one wants ot be left out should the other races agree to cooperate.

I'm exhausted. Still, it was also good to see Bek. I am glad i made that stop as well.

it's even better to be back home, however.

Janus, have you missed me?

I feel as though I am still putting my life back together, from more than a week ago... two weeks? Has it really been..? So much to think about.

That person... how horrible that I recognize her. Could I really have been trapped as that person? Perhaps it is not so hard to imagine. If Bek hadn't...

Hmm. What if's are nonsense games. There is no sense in torturing myself with them, is there?

I... what have I? These things... these words are not mine... Not any more. I am not that person anymore.

I...

Janus! What have I done?

It doesn't make sense. None of it. These pieces of... another self who is also me.

Magus, please... I don't know what's going on here. Please, I need... I need you.

Unacceptable. This place...

Completely unacceptable.

Whose doing is this?

Janus, the other day was lovely. Thank you. I needed the distraction very much. The beach was lovely. And thank you as well for your help choosing a swimsuit. We will have to go swimming again so that it gets more use than just the once.

I haven't meant to be so... strange lately. I've had a lot on my mind. Can you forgive me?

I don't believe I feel much like going out today. Perhaps I'll stay in. This can't be home sickness. I have no home, after all. Perhaps something different then. I wonder if I should go to visit Bek. I wonder if he would be happy to see me, or simply nervous. Hmm. It is something to consider.

For now, a quiet night. There's nothing wrong with that, after all. Is there?

Janus? I'm feeling like wandering a bit, into the woods. Come with me?

Bad dreams and bad feelings. I am sure it is nothing more than misgivings. What else would it be? Nothing at all.

Janus, thank you for the very nice Valentine's day. I will admit being unused to the tradition, but I enjoyed it, very much.

Hmm. I suppose I am glad that the weekend has arrived. Perhaps an early night tonight... there is far too much on my mind.

More letters. I feel as though letters are the only thing I do these days. Still, perhaps it is progress. I should not be so cynical in that aspect.

On the subject of letters, I should write one that is not business. Bek wrote... and it has been too long since I responded. Perhaps that will be my project for this evening.

It could have gone better, I suppose. But it certainly could have been much worse.

Janus, I'm sure I've said it multiple times, but let me say again how grateful I am for your company on my trip. I could not have done it without you.


( Private; hackable )

A letter then. To the elven king, and another to the leaders of the main human settlements. Communications to the gnomes will be more difficult. I wonder... perhaps a trip will be in order for that. But the druid council should represent all races. I am somewhat skeptical of the elf king's response, considering Ahren's experience with... well, with me. Still, I will try. I will not be a failure for this trust bestowed upon me.

After the winter solstice, perhaps after the coming of the new year, I will make a journey back. It will not take all that long. I am certain. And I will be successful. I can be quite persuasive. ...though the biggest obstacle will be my old reputation. Hmm.

Bek has sent another letter. It seems he and his wife are expecting a child. It has not been very long since I last saw him, but I am glad. The Ohmsford line will continue on then. As for me... well, perhaps that is not my destiny. Druids, after all, do not have children. That is fine. My legacy will be the third Druid council. I am sure I can manage. The things I have learned and am learning here will be indispensible.

Janus, what are you doing this evening?

Another weekend over so quickly. It seems I never quite manage to accomplish as much as I set out to do. Ah well, none of it is that pressing at the moment. On the contrary, I feel oddly at ease. I am certainly not complaining.

Janus, thank you again for lunch on Wednesday. I enjoyed myself, as usual, really. It... nothing is all that different. Small things, but... I like that so little has changed. And I am quite excited that the experiments have gone so well. It is very interesting. Again, I'm glad to be a part of them.

So many places in town are playing... Christmas carols? I will admit to being a bit unsure on the specifics. We do not celebrate Christmas, though we do have winter and solstice festivals, and I cannot imagine it to be that different. Am I incorrect?

Winter is coming. I suppose I never really paid that much attention to it before, but the days are growing so short, so dark. I don't mind it. I've never minded the dark. It is... something I am used to. Something I grew up with.

Still, it is growing colder. Perhaps I need to think about warmer clothes.

On another matter, Janus? May I speak with you?

It is not like me... is it? Something to think of. Always... something to think of.

I wonder... are there any magic students who might be interested in being a research assistant? I am sure I could provide compensation. It would make my life somewhat easier.


( Private; Hackable )

It feels... very good to be whole again. I suppose I never realized just how much I relied on my magic before, how much a part of me it truly was. But it is back and that creature is gone, and that is what matters. I am glad of it.

Admittedly, it was also rather nice to have dinner without the worry of all that hanging over my head. Janus, dinner was very nice, as always. Thank you, for the meal and the company. I was glad to not be interrupted so rudely before dessert, this time. Much more positive.